Codependents Must Learn to Save Themselves from Constant Heartbreak
Codependents often live in “people-pleasing mode,” constantly trying to earn love, approval, and validation—but from the wrong people. Their deep desire to help, fix, and care for others makes them vulnerable to emotional manipulation, especially by narcissists and toxic individuals.
The heartbreak that codependents experience is not just emotional; it is spiritual. They pour their energy into others, sacrificing themselves in the process, and when they are left feeling empty, betrayed, and unappreciated, they are left wondering:
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
From an Islamic perspective, this pattern of heartbreak is often a result of:
• Placing creation above the Creator – seeking approval from people rather than from Allah.
• Ignoring self-worth – not realising that Allah has honorued you with dignity and that your worth is not tied to how much you serve others.
• Neglecting boundaries – allowing others to take advantage of your kindness without holding them accountable.
Why Do Codependents Get Hurt?
They Attach Their Worth to Others
• Many codependents believe their value comes from how much they do for others.
• They confuse kindness with self-sacrifice, thinking they must endure pain to be “good.”
• Islam, however, teaches balance—even worship is done with moderation. The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Do good deeds properly, sincerely, and moderately… and be cheerful, for no one’s deeds alone will put them in Paradise.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari 6463)
• This means that even in acts of goodness, there must be boundaries—one must not lose themselves in trying to please others.
2. They Try to “Fix” Broken People
• Codependents are naturally empathetic and giving, which makes them drawn to people who are emotionally damaged.
• They believe that if they love someone enough, they can heal them—but this is a false belief. Only Allah is Al-Shāfī (The Healer).
• The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Indeed, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”
(Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:11)
• If a person does not want to change, no amount of love, patience, or sacrifice will fix them.
3. They Fear Rejection and Abandonment
• Many codependents are afraid of being alone, so they tolerate mistreatment.
• But Islam does not require you to stay in unhealthy relationships.
• The Prophet ﷺ himself walked away from harmful people. He distanced himself from those who mocked the truth, showing that you do not need to keep people in your life who harm your peace and imān.
How to Break the Cycle & Protect Your Heart
1. Turn to Allah, Not People, for Validation
• Codependents seek approval from others, but human approval is temporary and unreliable.
• Allah says:
“And Allah is Sufficient as a Disposer of affairs.”
(Surah Al-Ahzab 33:3)
• When you attach your heart to Allah, you will not need to chase people’s love.
2. Set Boundaries & Protect Your Dignity
• Islam teaches that self-respect is part of faith. The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the one who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.”
(Sunan Ibn Majah 4032)
• Patience does not mean tolerating abuse.
• The Prophet ﷺ never allowed himself or others to be used. If people consistently take advantage of your kindness, set limits.
3. Recognise That You Are Not Responsible for “Fixing” Others
• It is not your job to heal people who refuse to heal themselves.
• Allah has given everyone free will, and some people choose to remain in their dysfunction.
• Instead of trying to “save” them, save yourself first.
4. Trust That What Leaves You Was Never Meant for You
• Many codependents hold onto toxic relationships out of fear.
• But the Prophet ﷺ said:
“Know that what has passed you by was never meant to befall you, and what has befallen you was never meant to pass you by.”
(Sunan Abu Dawood 4699)
• If someone does not value you, let them go—trust that Allah will replace them with something better.
5. Build Your Identity Outside of Serving Others
• Who are you when you are not trying to please someone?
• Your worth is not based on how much you do for others—it is based on who you are in the sight of Allah.
• Strengthen your connection with Him through salaah, dhikr, and self-reflection.
Codependents must learn to save themselves before trying to save others. Constantly pleasing the wrong people will only lead to heartbreak and a weakened imān.
Islam teaches balance, self-respect, and detachment from unhealthy attachments. When you place Allah at the centre of your heart, you will no longer need to chase love, approval, or validation from those who do not deserve it.
Your worth is not in how much you sacrifice for others—your worth is in your relationship with Allah.