Toxic Codependents: The Crossroad Between Empathy and Narcissism

Toxic codependents exist in a grey area between being empathic or narcissistic, heavily influenced by their environment, upbringing, and the people they surround themselves with. While codependency starts as an extreme need for validation and connection, it can evolve in two very different ways:

1. Becoming an Empath – If they develop emotional awareness and self-worth, they lean toward being genuine givers, learning to love and support without losing themselves.

2. Becoming Narcissistic – If they never develop boundaries or self-identity, they learn to manipulate and control others to fill their void, turning into narcissistic individuals themselves.

How Does the Environment Shape a Codependent?

A toxic codependent is like a sponge, absorbing the energy, beliefs, and behaviours of those around them. If they grow up in a home where:

• Love is conditional – They learn that love is earned, leading them to become people-pleasers or manipulators.

• Emotional neglect is normal – They suppress their true feelings, fearing rejection.

• Manipulation is a survival tactic – They see control, guilt-tripping, or self-sacrifice as the only way to maintain relationships.

• There is no strong spiritual foundation – Their nafs (ego) becomes their guide, making them vulnerable to their Qareen’s influence (the personal jinn assigned to every human).

Over time, without spiritual discipline and self-awareness, the toxic codependent will naturally lean toward narcissistic behaviors.

The Influence of the Qareen: Why Toxic Codependents Often Turn Narcissistic

Islam teaches that every person has a Qareen, a personal jinn whose mission is to whisper, misguide, and push them toward their lower desires (nafs al-ammara bil soo’). The Qareen influences:

• Self-control vs. self-indulgence

• Compassion vs. manipulation

• Truth vs. deception

A strong soul controls their Qareen, but a weak soul is controlled by it.

Toxic codependents, by nature, struggle with self-identity and self-discipline, making them highly vulnerable to their Qareen’s whispers. This is why many end up mirroring narcissistic traits—they are ruled by their lower self (nafs), rather than by spiritual strength or moral integrity.

Imagine a wild horse (Qareen)—if you train and tame it, it serves you. If you let it run wild, it controls and destroys you.

A toxic codependent without self-mastery is like a person riding a wild horse with no reins—completely at the mercy of their Qareen’s influence.

Why Do They End Up More Narcissistic Than Empathic?

1. Lack of Emotional Strength – Empaths require inner strength to remain kind despite hardship. Codependents often lack this, so they manipulate instead of endure.

2. Seeking Power to Avoid Pain – After being hurt for so long, they stop wanting to be the victim and instead become the one in control.

3. Desensitisation to Others’ Pain – They have learned that survival means putting themselves first, no matter who gets hurt.

4. Ego Takes Over – Instead of self-awareness, they justify their behaviour as “protecting themselves”, but in reality, they are becoming what once hurt them.

This is why not all empaths remain empaths—many codependents shift toward narcissism when their pain is left unchecked.

Narcissistic Family and Friends: Keeping Them Trapped in the Dark Side

The most dangerous influence on a toxic codependent is their narcissistic family and friends. If they try to heal, change, or rise above their toxic conditioning, those around them will pull them back in—because:

• A healed person exposes the dysfunction – If one person wakes up, the rest will be forced to confront their own toxicity.

• They fear losing control over them – If the codependent gains strength, they can no longer be manipulated.

• Iblis does not want them to leave his grip – Shaytaan has an agenda—to weaken souls, and if one starts becoming stronger, they become a threat.

Just like Shaytaan threatened to misguide mankind until the Day of Judgment, narcissists are committed to keeping others weak. They will:

• Guilt-trip them for changing

• Mock their healing and call it nonsense

• Accuse them of abandoning family or faith

• Make them feel selfish for setting boundaries

Their mission is to keep them enslaved to dysfunction, because a healed person is a loss to them and a disappointment to Iblis.

How to Break Free & Control the Qareen

1. Strengthen Your Connection with Allah

• Increase dhikr, prayer, and recitation of the Quran to silence the Qareen’s whispers.

• “Indeed, My servants—no authority will you (Shaytaan) have over them, except those who follow you willingly.” (Quran 15:42)

2. Develop Emotional Awareness

• Recognise your own wounds and heal them instead of projecting them onto others.

3. Learn to Set Boundaries Instead of Controlling Others

• Understand that love is not earned through control—true love is built on respect and sincerity.

4. Surround Yourself with Strong, Righteous People

• The Prophet ﷺ said: “A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” (Abu Dawood)

5. Resist the Urge for Power and Control

• Do not let past pain turn you into the very thing that hurt you. Seek strength without oppression.

6. Cut Off Those Who Keep You in Darkness

• If someone constantly tries to pull you back into dysfunction, understand that not everyone can stay in your life.

• The price of healing is often losing those who thrived on your brokenness.

A toxic codependent stands at a spiritual and psychological crossroad—one path leads to self-awareness and healing, the other to narcissism and destruction. The choice lies in who controls them—their soul or their Qareen.

Most fall into narcissism not because they are evil, but because they are too weak to resist their lower desires.

If you recognise toxic codependent tendencies in yourself, seek knowledge, discipline, and Allah’s guidance—before the path of narcissism becomes permanent.

And remember, when you choose to rise, some people will try to drag you back down—not because they care about you, but because your healing threatens their dysfunction.

Don’t let them succeed.