Do Narcissists Apologise?

Yes. Some do. But not in the way you might hope. A narcissist’s apology is rarely about healing or making amends. It is not about genuine remorse or self-awareness. Instead, it is a carefully crafted tool—used not to restore connection but to regain control.

A true apology is meant to be a bridge. It is a sacred act of humility. A way of saying “I see how I hurt you, and I take full responsibility for it.” It is a step toward repair. Toward rebuilding safety and trust. But for a narcissist, an apology is never about you. It is always about them.

When a narcissist apologises, it is usually only after they have already minimised the damage they caused. They might say things like:

“It wasn’t that serious”

“You are overreacting”

“You’re too sensitive”

“I didn’t mean it that way”

Or worse, they might admit to doing something hurtful and then immediately downplay it:

“Yeah I hit you, but it wasn’t that hard”

“You make it sound worse than it was”

This is not remorse. This is gaslighting. These are attempts to distort your perception so they do not have to take accountability. They are trying to convince you that your pain is exaggerated, that your memory is flawed, and that your feelings are invalid. And by doing that, they remain in control of the narrative.

You may have also heard the sarcastic or aggressive apology:

“Sorry, okay? Happy now?”

“I already said sorry, what more do you want?”

They may say the words, but you can feel the anger underneath them. These are not apologies. They are performances. Designed to silence you, not soothe you.

And when they take that same fake apology to other people, they often say:

“I apologised, but she’s still angry”

“I don’t know what else to do. He just wants to stay mad”

It is a calculated move. They want to seem like the bigger person. The one who is trying. The one who is calm, reasonable, and forgiving. While painting you as bitter, emotional, or unforgiving. It is all part of their game. A way to protect their image and make you look like the problem.

A real apology does not come with strings attached.

It does not demand immediate forgiveness.

It does not invalidate your pain.

It does not expect you to “move on” as if nothing happened.

It does not get angry at you for still being hurt.

A real apology comes with changed behaviour.

With empathy.

With ownership.

With a willingness to sit in discomfort for as long as it takes to rebuild trust.

A narcissist does not have the emotional capacity for this level of accountability. They are too fragile to admit fault. Too focused on self-preservation to truly feel your pain. And too invested in controlling the story to genuinely seek resolution.

You are not difficult for needing more than just words.

You are not dramatic for refusing to pretend things are okay when they are not.

And you are certainly not the problem for holding someone accountable for the pain they caused.

A weak apology does not heal strong wounds.

You deserve more than empty gestures.

You deserve honesty. You deserve growth. You deserve peace.

Never settle for an apology that makes you feel worse instead of better. And never forget that your healing does not require their permission.

You are allowed to protect yourself, even from someone who says “I’m sorry.”