Tolerating and Accepting Abuse is NOT Sabr—This is a Dangerous Misconception
One of the most harmful misconceptions in our communities is the idea that enduring abuse, oppression, or mistreatment is an act of sabr (patience). Many people—especially women—are told that suffering in silence, tolerating emotional, physical, or psychological harm, and staying in toxic relationships is a sign of their faith and strength.
But this is NOT what sabr means.
Sabr does not mean accepting harm. It does not mean allowing yourself to be broken. It does not mean remaining in an abusive situation under the false belief that it will bring you closer to Allah.
What is True Sabr?
Sabr is perseverance in the face of trials while seeking Allah’s help, but it does not mean being passive in the face of oppression. True sabr is taking action while relying on Allah—not staying silent and allowing abuse to continue.
Allah commands us to stand against injustice:
“Do not incline toward the oppressors, or the Fire will touch you, and you will have no protectors besides Allah, nor will you be helped.”
(Surah Hud 11:113)
If tolerating oppression was an act of patience, then why would Allah warn us not to incline towards it? Abuse is oppression, and allowing it to continue is NOT an act of virtue.
The Prophet ﷺ Did Not Endorse Oppression
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was sent as a mercy to humanity, and he never tolerated or encouraged oppression. He said:
“Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or the one being oppressed.”
The people asked, “O Messenger of Allah, we understand helping the one being oppressed, but how do we help an oppressor?”
He ﷺ replied: “By stopping him from his oppression.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari)
If you are in an abusive situation, staying silent is not helping the oppressor—it is allowing them to continue their sin. True sabr is having the courage to protect yourself, set boundaries, and seek justice.
Why Accepting Abuse is NOT an Act of Worship
1. It Destroys Your Dignity and Self-Worth
Islam gives every human being honour, dignity, and rights. You are not meant to be someone’s emotional, physical, or verbal punching bag. Allowing yourself to be degraded is not pleasing to Allah—He created you with value.
2. It Strengthens the Oppressor
Every time abuse is tolerated, it enables the abuser to continue harming others. Would you want someone else to suffer the way you have? If not, then recognise that standing up for yourself is a way of stopping the cycle of abuse.
3. It Weakens Your Relationship with Allah
Constant oppression, fear, and emotional turmoil can weaken your imān (faith). Abuse can drain your spirit, making it harder to connect with Allah. How can it be an act of worship if it distances you from Him?
Islam Encourages You to Stand Up for Yourself
Allah says:
“Indeed, Allah does not love the oppressors.”
(Surah Aal-e-Imran 3:140)
If Allah does not love oppression, why would He want you to accept it? You are not being tested to see how much suffering you can endure—you are being tested to see if you will recognise your worth and trust that Allah will provide a way out.
“And whoever fears Allah—He will make for him a way out. And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine.”
(Surah At-Talaq 65:2-3)
Leaving an abusive situation, setting boundaries, and choosing yourself is NOT weakness—it is faith. Trust that when you choose justice and dignity, Allah will replace your hardship with ease.
True Sabr is Seeking Change, Not Suffering in Silence
If you are facing abuse, remember:
• Sabr is not about tolerating harm—it’s about finding a way out while relying on Allah.
• You are not sinful for wanting a safe, peaceful life.
• Your worth is not measured by how much pain you can endure.
Sabr is taking the first step toward healing, trusting that Allah will guide you toward something better. You are not meant to live in oppression. You are meant to thrive.