The Dangers of Staying in an Abusive, Oppressive, or Toxic Relationship—Especially ‘For the Kids’

Many people, especially women, stay in marriages that are abusive, oppressive, or completely dead because they believe they are doing the “right thing” by sacrificing themselves for their children. The idea of “staying for the kids” is often seen as noble and selfless, but in reality, it can be deeply harmful—not just for the person suffering, but for the children as well.

Marriage in Islam is meant to be a source of tranquility, love, and mercy:

“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you love and mercy. Verily in that are signs for a people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)

If a relationship is filled with abuse, toxicity, oppression, or emotional neglect, it becomes the opposite of what Allah intended—it becomes a source of pain, distress, and destruction. Staying in such a marriage out of fear or obligation can have severe consequences emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even physically.

1. You Are Slowly Being Destroyed—Mind, Body, and Soul

Living in a toxic, dead, or abusive relationship takes a massive toll on your well-being:

• Your mental health declines—you become depressed, anxious, and emotionally exhausted.

• You start losing your identity—who you are, what you love, and what makes you happy.

• Your self-worth gets shattered—constant belittling, control, or neglect makes you feel like you don’t matter.

• You become spiritually drained—you might struggle with your imān because the constant stress and turmoil disconnects you from Allah.

• Your physical health suffers—chronic stress can lead to illnesses, fatigue, and even serious diseases.

Abuse and oppression are not just about physical violence. Emotional neglect, manipulation, gaslighting, and control are just as damaging—sometimes even worse because they are harder to recognise, leaving the victim feeling trapped and confused.

Islam does not command us to suffer in silence or accept oppression. In fact, Allah forbids oppression in all forms:

“O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden among you, so do not oppress one another.” (Hadith Qudsi, Sahih Muslim)

Staying in an environment that crushes your soul and spirit is a form of self-oppression—and we are not meant to allow ourselves to be destroyed.

2. Your Children Absorb the Toxicity—And It Shapes Their Future

Many parents stay in bad marriages for the sake of their children, thinking that keeping the family together is the best thing for them. But in reality, children suffer deeply when they grow up in a toxic, emotionally unhealthy home.

• They internalise toxic patterns—learning that abuse, neglect, or disrespect is “normal” in relationships.

• They develop deep emotional wounds—watching one parent suffer makes them feel helpless, anxious, and fearful.

• They grow up feeling unsafe and unstable—constant fights, tension, or silent suffering create an unhealthy emotional environment.

• They might struggle with their own relationships later—either becoming like the toxic parent or choosing toxic partners themselves.

A broken home is not just one where the parents are divorced—a home filled with anger, manipulation, resentment, and emotional neglect is even more broken because it destroys the children from the inside out.

If the home is toxic, then staying for the sake of the children does not protect them—it harms them. A child who grows up watching a toxic marriage will either:

• Repeat the cycle by choosing similar relationships, thinking abuse is normal.

• Struggle with self-worth because they saw one parent being treated as though they had none.

• Develop deep emotional wounds that they will have to heal from as adults.

3. Staying Stagnates Your Growth—And Blocks Your Rizq

When you remain in an environment that is harmful, you stunt your own emotional, spiritual, and personal growth. You are constantly in survival mode, just trying to get through each day, instead of truly living.

Toxic relationships drain your energy, keep you feeling stuck, and prevent you from stepping into your potential. The emotional and mental exhaustion makes it difficult to focus on anything else—your personal goals, your connection with Allah, your own healing.

Your rizq (sustenance, blessings) is deeply tied to the state of your heart and your emotional well-being. Staying in an abusive, oppressive, or emotionally dead marriage blocks blessings from entering your life because you are stuck in an environment that does not serve your soul. Allah opens doors for those who trust Him, take action, and choose themselves over their fears.

4. Islam Gives You the Right to Leave Oppression

Many people mistakenly believe that Islam encourages suffering in silence, but this could not be further from the truth. Islam does not require anyone to remain in an oppressive, harmful, or dead marriage.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Do not harm yourself or others.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

If a marriage is causing harm—emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually—it is within your Islamic right to leave. The stigma of divorce should never override the right to safety, peace, and dignity.

Allah allows divorce for a reason—it is not a failure; it is an escape from harm. Choosing yourself is not selfish. Protecting your children from toxicity is not selfish. Walking away from what oppresses you is not selfish. It is necessary.

5. Healing Begins When You Choose Yourself

Leaving a toxic marriage is not easy. It requires courage, faith, and trust in Allah. But staying in a relationship that destroys you is far more dangerous than walking away.

• You deserve peace.

• You deserve happiness.

• You deserve a love that reflects the mercy and kindness of Islam.

• Your children deserve to see their mother thriving, not suffering.

Healing begins when you stop settling for pain. Trust Allah, because when you leave behind what harms you, He will replace it with something far better, In Sha Allah.

“And whoever fears Allah—He will make a way out for him and provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah—then He is sufficient for him.” (Surah At-Talaq 65:2-3)

You were not created to suffer endlessly in the name of patience. You were created to know your worth, to worship Allah in peace, and to live in a way that nurtures your soul—not depletes it.

May Allah give strength to those in toxic marriages to walk away from what harms them, to trust in His plan, and to rebuild their lives with dignity and peace. Ameen.